


Just Me

by PearlescentSkyBlue



Category: K-pop, SHINee
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Arguing, Celebrities, Comfort/Angst, Crying, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Repressed, Emotions, Eventual Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt, M/M, Makeup, Mental Breakdown, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Sad, Showers, Sobbing, Stressed, jongkey - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-30
Updated: 2014-01-30
Packaged: 2018-01-10 15:09:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1161146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PearlescentSkyBlue/pseuds/PearlescentSkyBlue
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As a celebrity who acts, dances, sings, and comes from a tragic family background; Key has a lot of expectations on him. He is seen as a perfect being above the abilities of a regular mere human.  He has to please his fans, his friends, the media... So many expectations...</p><p>People forget that he is not some angel sent from heaven:</p><p>Unable to make a mistake.</p><p>Never to be tired or to feel overworked.</p><p>The perfect being. </p><p> </p><p>Until one day, he just can't take the pressure.</p><p>Jonghyun, his boyfriend who has always been a fan of his love's work, has a talk with him about why he seems to be lacking in effort in rehearsal.</p><p>He can't take it anymore.</p><p>That day is the day he has had enough.</p><p>The one day he breaks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Me

 

Kim KiBum or Key as he preferred to be called, was very famous in the media. His nickname was 'The Almighty Key' and with a name like that, what else would he be?

 

Key was considered an all round star. He sang, he acted, he could dance, he helped in charity, made guest appearances, hosted TV shows – he practically did everything. It wasn't surprising he had a lot of fans.

 

As well as his career, Key was also known for his rather tragic background story: His parents had died in a car accident when he was very young, with him as the only surviver, leaving him to be raised by his grandmother – his only living relative – up until his mid-teens when she unfortunately died of a stroke, and so since then he had fended for himself and built himself up to where he had now reached.

 

As an idol, Key was expected to be perfect. His dancing, acting, singing; everything had to be perfect, flawless, uncritical – including his attitude. As such a media centred figure, Key had a lot of expectation to carry on his shoulders.

 

 

* * *

 

  
Key had many, many fans from his various activities both in music and acting. Every fan dreams of being able to meet and date their idol and Key made one fan's dream come true, his name was Jonghyun.

 

They met at a karaoke room one evening where Jonghyun often visited.

 

Despite having gone in disguise, Key was instantly recognised by the dino-boy and was hesitantly approached with compliments and the phrase “I'm a big fan”. But Key didn't mind because unlike some, Jonghyun seemed like a civil fan who knew about certain things called 'personal space' and 'privacy' and didn't turn into a screaming wreck as soon as he saw him. He saw that as a good sign.

 

Key couldn't deny, Jonghyun was handsome and when he heard him step up to the karaoke, he was pretty much blown away, he was amazing, so he called him over and told him so, much to Jonghyun's delight.

 

  
For the rest of the evening the two of them sang together and just hung out, Jonghyun drinking a little, no more than was appropriate, Key unable to touch the stuff with the thought of his image hanging over his head. But both of them had a lot of fun. As they turned to say their goodbyes, Key suggested they do it again sometime and the older singer all too happy to agree, his eyes sparkling with excitement.

 

And so they did. The two of them would start to meet up whenever Key was free. Sometimes they would go to the karaoke room again, then at other times they started to go out for a coffee, and after a while they were going to see films together, sharing popcorn and Jonghyun's arm slung around Key's shoulder. The whole thing was very natural, not rushed or forced in anyway. They just went so well together.

 

 

* * *

 

  
At first, Key was worried that Jonghyun's nature as his fan may have made it awkward for him as a fan's love is different from a partner's love, but there was no need to worry.

 

Jonghyun was the right man for him and Key was the right man for Jonghyun.

 

It was after a few weeks of meeting up like this that they decided to make their relationship official, complete with adorable couple rings courtesy of Jonghyun.

 

Surprisingly, his relationship with Jonghyun was well received by the media and the fans, they congratulated Key on finding happiness and supported their love. The only catch was, that now there was even more expectation on them as a couple and how they were expected to act and be and say, the pressure was starting to build again.

 

 

* * *

 

  
Naturally, Key was very busy a lot of the time with his filming, performances and juggling TV guest appearances or hosting them, and when he wasn't he spent most of his time rehearsing for comebacks or dance performances that were coming up.

 

To start with, both Jonghyun and Key were worried about what this would mean for them as a couple, with hardly time to see each other, but they came to an agreement and so Jonghyun started to accompany Key to his rehearsals, quite often taking part in the events Key had to go to; sitting in the background sending his supportive vibes and moral support.

 

Key enjoyed it.

 

He had always had fans who would cheer him on and the staff were always supportive but this was different; the energy, support and love that Jonghyun always gave him seemed to revive him and help him through his daily schedules.

 

  
It wasn't long before Key asked Jonghyun if he would move in with him, much to Jonghyun's joy.  
Key's apartment was large, not overly huge but big enough for them both to live comfortably and Jonghyun soon adjusted to it after all his belongings had been moved into it.

 

They were excited to be living together, sharing a bed and a space all for themselves. Jonghyun continued to accompany Key to his events and also started to juggle his own few gigs he was offered.

 

They were a much smaller scale than Key's work but he felt good to be doing his own thing and so he didn't feel he was living of Key's wealth, even though Key said he wouldn't have minded if that was his choice.

 

 

* * *

 

  
One day however, Jonghyun noticed that something was a bit off with Key.

 

They had both gone to the dance studio that morning, Key to rehearse for an important vocal performance he was doing with a complicated choreography to match, and Jonghyun to watch as usual. But something seemed odd. The atmosphere was different than usual.

 

  
As soon as the music was turned on Key started to sing and he and his backup dancers started the routine, but Key wasn't dancing or singing as powerfully as normal, and he made a mistake – which was very unlike him.

 

The music was stopped, he apologised with a forced smile and they started from the top, but then it happened again and again throughout the whole piece, he kept slipping or using the wrong hand, getting the order wrong, missing his note.

 

It was just so unlike him.

 

Key very rarely struggled with his dancing, singing or anything for that matter; he was usually perfect. Jonghyun was surprised. After a while of this they decided to take a break so that Key could get his mind sorted and ready to rehearse properly again.

 

  
Key went over to his bag at the wall, ignoring Jonghyun's gaze, grabbed his water bottle and took a swig before placing it back and going once again to face the mirror. His face was hardened and a scowl was forming there. He was trying to recreate the most difficult move in the dance; even though usually he would have been able to hit it perfectly, he kept failing at the last moment and he grew more and more frustrated.

 

Another one of the dancers came over and gently tried to help him, pointing out where his leg was too bent and how he lost concentration at the last second causing him to miss his mark. But Key was too frustrated to listen. He closed his eyes and sighed angrily trying to calm himself but it wasn't working. He tried to brush the dancer away, he was feeling claustrophobic.

 

“Go away” he said quietly as he turned his head away from him, scrunching his face as if trying to block the dancer out but he just tried again, his voice a little more persistent and pleading, just trying to help him.

 

Suddenly Key couldn't handle it anymore, he shoved the other dancer away from him, shouting,

“Just leave it, ok? Leave me alone!” to which the dancer finally yielded and backed off, shocked.

 

Jonghyun was also shocked, he had never seen Key act this way. He stood and strode strongly over to where Key was, firmly grasping his wrist and saying,

“Excuse us” to the dancer, he dragged his boyfriend outside of the studio and into the corridor.

 

 

* * *

 

  
“What has gotten into you?” Jonghyun asked he let go of Key's wrist, backing him against the wall and looking into his eyes intently as if trying to see into his mind to find out why his Key was acting so differently.

 

Key just stood there, his expression of anger gone but no emotion took it's place, his face was blank and his eyes did not meet his lover's. “I don't understand, Key. You haven't even been trying all morning and your attitude is awful.”

 

Key bit the inside of his cheek, still refusing to say a word or meet Jonghyun's eyes. “You are embarrassing yourself. Go back in there and apologise at once to that dancer.” He said firmly, trying to snap him back into behaving as he usually would but that was it, Key wouldn't be quiet any longer.

 

  
“Go” is what he said.

 

Jonghyun was taken aback,

 

“What?”

 

“I said go home” Key clarified, finally meeting Jonghyun's eyes and his anger was growing. “You're not needed here anymore. Just go home” he said forcefully and devoid of all emotion except the obvious hint of anger.

 

He bit his cheek once more in vexation before turning around and stalking off back to the dance room, leaving Jonghyun to collect his things and head back to the apartment with his tail between his legs, still confused about his love's change.

  

 

* * *

 

 

  
That evening after a long and stressful rehearsal, Key came through the door of their apartment and sighed, glad that the day's schedule was finally over with. He dumped his things and headed to the bathroom for a refreshing shower: but just as he past the bedroom, Jonghyun appeared and put his arm out to block him, forcing Key to face him.

 

Unfortunately, Key was not in the mood.

 

“What?” he asked rather more sharply than usual.

 

He was exhausted and just wanted to be able to relax but Jonghyun wasn't about to let the matter go.

 

“Key what's with you? What's with the attitude and the low effort? You've been acting weird all day.”

 

Key sighed under his breath and tried once again to duck under the dino-boy's arm to get to the bathroom but Jonghyun just gently pushed him up against the wall so he had no choice but to remain still and look into his boyfriend's eyes.

 

Jonghyun tried again with a softer tone, “Key, talk to me.” he said, his eyes almost pleading, trying to understand him but he refused to talk. “Where has my usual happy and loveable Key gone?” He asked gently, hoping to get a simple answer out of him but he did not get the reaction he was expecting.

 

  
Suddenly Key's eyes seem to blaze with passion and emotion.

 

“I am tired Jonghyun! Alright? I am so, so tired and I don't need this from you right now!” he shouted in Jonghyun's face, the exhaustion evident in his tone.

 

He brought his hands up and shoved him away from him so he was no longer trapped by his boyfriend's arms. He stood there panting after his sudden outburst, his eyes locked onto Jonghyun's.

 

Something seemed to break inside of him. “I am allowed to be stressed too you know, Jonghyun. I am not some perfect being, arasso? What do you think I am?” He asks, all these concealed emotions rising to the surface and making themselves known for the first time to his boyfriend.

 

 

“Give a man a sob story and a little bit of talent, and suddenly he is perfect? Flawless?

I am just a person, Jonghyun. A regular, every day human being. I make mistakes like the rest of you.

So what makes me so different? Why is it that I can do no wrong?

Why do I have different expectations to everybody else?

Why is everything I do, to be judged by people like you?”

 

Jonghyun just stood there, stunned.

 

“I get tired too, you know. Sometimes, I just need a break.

What is it that you want from me, Jonghyun?

Do you want me to be all fun and smiles by forcing a happy mask to stay on my face for hours on end?

On a constant supply of energy, fuelled with caffeine because I don't have enough time to sleep?

Or is it that you want me to always be able to get every step and note right, every tiny detail perfect, by pushing myself so much I practically pass out from the exhaustion and overworking my body to do so?

What do you want me to do? What more do you expect me to be capable of?

Why can't you just accept that this is who I am?

I'm me, ok?

 

Just me.

 

I'm no more, but no less.

I just want someone who can love and accept me for me, for who I am, not for who they want me to be... I thought maybe you at least would have been able to do that.”

 

 

Key paused, all the built up tension seemed to leave him as his shoulders slumped in defeat, his eyes downcast.

 

“I can't change for anyone, Jonghyun. Not even for you.”

 

His eyes shifted from the ground to meet Jonghyun's once again, his eyes sparkling with tears.

 

“If you don't like that, if you would rather have the person you see on the TV, dvd or stage, then you can leave. Leave and go back to pretending you never found out about what the real Almighty Key is like. Pretend I am just the way you want me to be. Because i've tried my best, Jonghyun. There isn't anything else I can do.” He finished, his voice barely louder than a whisper as his voice broke.

 

After he had said all he could, he held his hands to his face to hide his tears and ran to the bathroom while Jonghyun was too shocked to stop him, he closed the door and locked it.

 

* * *

 

 

  
As soon as he had locked the door, Key stripped, turned on the shower and got under the hot water.

No sooner had he felt the water falling on him, he broke down under the hot spray.

Everything that had been building up, the pressure from the media about his projects, the pressure of pleasing his fans and the pressure of trying to be a perfect boyfriend, all of it had finally broken him and he was finally letting it out. He let the hot, almost scalding water wash over his body as his hands came up and grasped at his hair as he sobbed.

 

Completely broken and defenceless.

 

 

* * *

 

  
After a moment of just standing there, Jonghyun finally recovered from the shock Key's outburst had put on him.

 

He felt so ashamed of himself.

 

How had he not seen this coming?

 

How had he not seen that his Key was crumbling?

 

He slowly made his to the bathroom door, he placed his ear against it sadly, he could hear sobs from within, mixed with the sound of the shower running.

 

 

* * *

 

  
Key's sobs slowly ebbed away, but the sound of the shower did not. It continued to fall as if it has taken over the role of Key's crying, and was doing it for him.

 

Jonghyun was still standing at the door; he was starting to worry.

 

He decided that Key just needed a moment to collect himself and so he returned to their room to wait for him.

  

 

* * *

 

 

 

Eventually the water stops – but the door doesn't open.

 

 

* * *

 

 

After a little while, Jonghyun went back to the door which was still locked and was really starting to worry. He lifted his hand and knocked on the wood, calling out to him gently,

 

“Key?”

 

Suddenly the door swung open and there stood Key, drying his damp hair with a towel casually.

 

He was smiling.

 

Jonghyun didn't want Key to be sad, not at all. But this sudden smile he flashed at him was disconcerting. He knew it was a mask. But Key didn't stop the act. It was as if he was trying to make Jonghyun forget that their conversation had ever happened.

 

“Oh, hey Jonghyun” he said with a light tone. Whether or not he was pretending to be surprised at finding him outside the door, Jonghyun didn't know.

 

Key yawned.

 

“I think i'm going to go to bed early tonight. I'll see you tomorrow”

 

He flashed another sweet smile at Jonghyun before turning to try and get to their bedroom as quickly as possible, but he couldn't.

 

Jonghyun was holding his wrist.

 

“We need to talk” Jonghyun said calmly but Key started to panic on the inside. He started to twist uncomfortably in his boyfriend's grasp as he tried to talk his way out of it.

 

“Not right now, Jjongie. I'm tired. Tomorrow, arasso?” But Jonghyun wouldn't give up.

 

“It will only take a minute”

 

“There's nothing to talk about. Please let me go” He tried again to escape to the bedroom as his demeanour started to crack. But Jonghyun would not let him.

 

 

* * *

 

  
Jonghyun once again pinned Key to the wall, his arms remaining on him in a feather-like touch, not wanting to hurt him in any way. Key was forced to look into Jonghyun's almost pleading eyes.

 

“Key, we need to talk”

 

And Key shattered.

 

His eyes filled with tears as his shoulders started to shake. He shoved against Jonghyun's chest half-heartedly and salty water started to fall down his cheeks. Jonghyun only pulled him closer and wrapped his arms securely around him.

The fight finally left Key's body as he exhausted himself, his shoulders still moved by his sobs.

 

“I don't know what to do. What do I do?” Key started to say through his tears. Jonghyun only listened.

“I don't know how to change who I am. I really don't know how, but I really don't want to lose you. I don't want you to leave me because i'm not good enough... I really did try” He sobbed pitifully.

 

Jonghyun could only look down him sadly, tightening his hold on him and shushing him softly.

 

He then scooped him up into his arms and carried him bridal-style into their bedroom where he lay him down on the soft sheets before coming to lie beside him.

 

 

* * *

 

  
Once they were on the bed, Key's crying had reduced some but he was still sobbing softly.

 

“Don't leave... Please don't leave me.” he said with such a small and weak voice that it pulled at Jonghyun's heart terribly. He proceeded to pull him close to him and wrap his arms around his small figure once again, all the while lovingly shushing him in a calming manner.

 

“Hey, hey now. It's ok. I'm not going anywhere. I promise” he said soothingly, one of his arms unlocking from the hold he had surrounded around Key, in order to run the backs of his fingers against his pale cheek.

 

“Really?” Key asked hesitantly and Jonghyun nodded with a small smile on his lips.

 

“Really. And I am so sorry Key for not remembering that you are just a regular person and it was wrong of me to expect so much of you, along with everyone else” He said, his hand coming to interlock lovingly with Key's and then bringing their combined hands to his lips so he could press them against the back of Key's hand softly. “You shouldn't put such heavy expectations on the ones you love”

 

Key just curled himself more into Jonghyun, who gladly tightened his hold on him. The remaining tears were gently falling from Key eyes but no more took their place. He snuggled into his boyfriend with little energy left in him from all the drama of the day.

 

“I promise I will never do something like this to you again, my love” He whispered. “I do and always have loved the real you, and you are enough just the way you are.” He continued softly. “I don't want to go back to wishing while watching you on a TV screen, knowing all that I missed out on... and if you let me, I will forever love you... Just you. That's enough for me.”

 

Key smiled into his love's chest, curling into him comfortably.

 

“Just you.” Jonghyun whispered again into his ear.

 

“ _Just me..._ ” Key thought with a smile and drifted peacefully off to sleep.

 

 

* * *

 

 

The End.

 

 

* * *

 


End file.
